


Be My Muse

by t_hens



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Dan Howell - Freeform, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, KIND OF I GUESS, Love Simon, Love Simon AU, Love Simon Spoilers, M/M, Phan - Freeform, Phanfiction, Phil Lester - Freeform, Underage Drinking, alcohol mention, but there are worse things in the world, its very minor - Freeform, kind of tropey, not really but ill tag just in case, this is based off of high school system bc i don't understand British school systems
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-06
Updated: 2018-04-06
Packaged: 2019-04-19 01:54:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14226543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/t_hens/pseuds/t_hens
Summary: Love, Simon AU





	Be My Muse

**Author's Note:**

> this is *loosely* based off of the film Love, Simon, which I have in fact seen three times now. (I'm pretty sure a majority of the ticket sales in Idaho have been from my wife and I). 
> 
> this is purely a work of fiction. it is in no way meant to cast aspirations on Dan or Phil, and it is not meant to take anything away from the original piece of material, whether it be the movie or book. I just had an idea stuck in my head and had to get it out.
> 
> also, PJ and Jimmy are minor characters in here, I just couldn't be bothered to create original characters.
> 
> Hope you enjoy :)

Phil scrolled aimless through his tumblr feed, as he avoided the stack of homework still stuffed in his backpack at the end of his bed. An outdated meme, a gif of the tv show he was obsessed with three years ago but had never bothered to unfollow the tag, an aesthetic picture, a random porn picture - unlimited scroll was surely would be the death of his GPA. He sighed deeply and was just about to close his laptop and finally get to that trig homework, that's due tomorrow that he had been putting off, when a post caught his eye. 

It was from a blog that he had started following a few months ago, screenager09, a fellow senior at his school that he had found through one of his mutuals. Phil had noticed that several people he followed reblogged their posts and once Phil followed them he could see they had a lot in common. They liked a lot of the same shows and music, even had the same taste in bad jokes. They didn’t ever say their name, so he wasn’t sure who they were, but they often complained about their teachers and the vice principal. When Phil had asked his friends if they knew the identity they said no, it was just someone they had found by following a Harry Potter tag.

The post was long but the title was what caught his eye - tired of hiding who I am. Phil started to read through, wondering if the mystery blogger would finally reveal their name, but instead it was a coming out post. Phil stared wide eyed at the post for a few moments before starting to re-read the post again. Adrenaline coursed through his veins. There was a gay student at his school? Well, another gay student? Evan, the first guy in their school’s history to come out, had unoffically been out of the closet for years. His pastel wardrobe and distaste for the female anatomy had definitely started a few rumors. Phil had done his best to ignore them, not wanting to draw attention to himself by defending Evan because he had a secret. The same secret that Evan kept, the same secret that screenager09 was declaring that they were tired of hiding.

Phil took a deep breath and pushed away from his desk and started pacing. This was huge. This was majorly huge. He had felt like this secret had been trying to burst from him for years and he finally had a chance to tell someone, anonymously even. He raked his hands through his hair and flopped himself back on his desk chair. He pulled his laptop close to him and clicked on their profile and hit the ask button. He hit the ‘anonymous’ button before he forgot and started typing his message. He typed and erased the message several times before he finally settled on one:

“Thank you for your post. Though I don’t know who you are, I think you are brave to come out, even if it is just on tumblr. I know our school isn’t the most accepting place so I understand the decision to stay hidden. It’s one of the reasons I haven’t come out either. But I think that you're really brave and you’ve inspired me. (Also I love your username, origin of symmetry is my favorite Muse album.)”

Phil pressed send before he could lose his nerve and closed his laptop. He crawled into bed, and closed his eyes, his homework could wait for another day.

*************************************************************************************************************

Phil pulled into the driveway of his best friend PJ’s house and waited for him to get in his car. When he had got in and buckled in they drove off chatted about random stuff, including the homework that Phil had neglected. They picked up their other friend Jimmy, who lived around the block. They stopped at their favorite coffee shop and ordered their usuals. A cold brew for PJ, a hot vanilla latte for Jimmy, and a pumpkin spice latte for Phil, who always loved the seasonal drinks. The barista at their usual shop always kept pumpkin spice year round, just because she knew how much Phil loved it.

They got to school and went through day as normal. Their friend Dan joined them at lunch and filled the time with jokes and witty banter. Phil had always secretly had a bit of a crush on him. He had brown hair that during freshman and sophomore year he had straightened within an inch of its life, but in their junior year he had left it to its own devices and most days it was wildly curly and Phil absolutely loved it. He had coffee colored eyes, which crinkled in the corners when he laughed, and dimples that caved his cheeks in. Phil often felt a huge desire to press a finger in one, just to see how deep it truly was. He resisted though, they were friends, but not the kind of friends who shared such casual physical affection like that. 

When Phil got home he checked tumblr, going straight to screenager09’s profile, wondering if they replied to their ask. Phil felt disappointment course through him when he saw that his message wasn’t on their dash and was about to exit out when he sees a text post. 

“to the anon who messaged me last night: thank you for your message. I would love to talk more if you came off anon? I didn’t know if you were comfortable with me posting our messages. But I think it’s okay to say that origin of symmetry is my favorite album too”

Phil felt a huge smile break across his face. He went back to his main page and selected the “create new blog” button and pondered what his new username could possibly be? He scrolled through the Muse playlist that he had saved on his phone until he had inspiration. erased_citizen. Perfect. He scrolled back to screenager09’s profile and typed up a message. There was a reply almost instantly, including a compliment to Phil’s username. Phil blushed and replied, the messages flying between them until late into the night. Phil felt a content feeling bloom in his chest. He hadn’t felt so excited in a long time. Talking to someone, who he had so many things in common with, who he could be so open with was exhilarating. 

 

*************************************************************************************************************

The next day at school Phil felt like he was in a daze. He was tired from staying up so late but he also felt an urge to take his phone out and click into his tumblr app and continue messaging screenager09. He had gathered last night that screenager09, was in fact a boy, and also a senior at his school. During lunch Jimmy was telling their lunch table a funny story and Dan elbowed him gently about half way through. 

“You seem really out of it, are you okay?” Up close Phil could really see how bright his brown eyes were. He also had a few freckles across his nose. Phil blushed and looked down at the table. 

“Yea, I’m fine. Just really tired. I was up really late.” Dan nodded empathetically.

“Me too,” Dan said. Phil couldn’t help but perk his ears up, but quickly dismissed the thought.

“Homework?” Phil asked, wanting to continue the conversation. He liked talking to Dan. Crush aside, he enjoyed Dan’s company. He was funny and smart and had a very good heart. When Phil’s nan had died their sophomore year, he had gathered all his homework and brought it over to his house, and had even stayed and helped him with the science work he had been struggling with. He had even brought his mom flowers. Phil thought about that from time to time, and it came to his mind now, sitting so close to him and talking quietly with him.

“Uh, yea. Homework.” Dan shifted uncomfortably in his seat and looked away from Phil. Phil furrowed his brow and stared at Dan for a moment. Okay, so maybe he wasn’t crazy. Could Dan be screenager09? Was that crazy to think? Phil shook his head and put the thought to the back of his brain for now. He didn’t have the brain power to think about it right now. 

“So guys, I have some great news,” Dan said to their table of friends once Jimmy’s story was finished. “My grandparents are having this huge party for their 50th anniversary and my parents have to go help set up like a week in advance, and since I can’t miss any school that means I get to through a halloween party!” The table erupted in cheers, which drew the stares of most of the cafeteria and some teachers. Dan laughed and shushed everyone, telling everyone the details of the party. He leaned over to Phil once everyone had started talking amongst them about their costumes and what booze they planned on bringing.

“You’re gonna come right?” Dan blinked his big doe eyes at him and God! Did he really expect Phil to say no to that. Phil doubted that even if he was straight he could resist that face. 

“Of course,” Phil said, and Dan smiled widely at him. He turned to PJ and they talked about the party more and Phil took a deep breath. He needed to get himself under control or everyone was gonna be able to read him like a book.

*************************************************************************************************************

That night after dinner and a movie with his family Phil found himself in front of his laptop again, tumblr open, messages between himself and screenager09 passing with ease. They talked about their plans for Halloween, and Phil mentioned that he was going to a party. They replied that they were too, but Phil hesitated asking if it was the same one, not wanting to push any boundaries. Phil asked if he had any costumes planned, and he replied that he didn’t, that he would likely just choose something that night. Phil replied that he hadn’t come up with anything either, though Jimmy and PJ had been texting him all night, trying to convince him to dress up as a trio. Phil had suggested Buffy/Willow/Xander but PJ had to throw logic into play and point out that both Buffy and Willow looked nothing like the three of them, by any stretch of the imagination. Phil had grumbled but agreed. He was presently ignoring their messages to talk to his tumblr pen pal. 

By the time they were saying goodnight, it was approaching 1 in the morning and they had been talking for nearly 4 hours. Phil was shocked, it had barely felt like any time. How could talking to someone he technically didn’t even know feel so real and intimate. He smiled and closed his laptop, feeling lighter than he had in ages. He checked his phone and found nearly 60 messages in his, PJ’s, and Jimmy’s group message, them trying to get his opinion on what their costume should be, finally deciding if he didn’t answer he didn’t get an opinion. Their final choice was the Ghostbusters, which Phil honestly couldn’t complain about. Much better than being one of the three stooges he supposed. 

*************************************************************************************************************

The next few weeks passed by in a blur. Each night was filled with messages and flirty banter with screenager09. His days were filled with school, and his friends, his relationship with Dan even growing closer. He felt lighter and somehow heavier than he had before. Knowing that there was someone in his life who knew he was gay, knew his secret, made him feel better but he simultaneously felt guilty that he was not telling his friends. He wrestled with the idea of telling PJ and Jimmy, knowing that they would be accepting, knowing that his family would be too if they knew, but he couldn’t help but be scared. When Evan had come out though no one was surprised, there was still the occasional taunt and derogatory comment, and a childhood of bullying had taught Phil to avoid conflict at all costs. 

The night of the party, while he was getting his costume ready he heard his phone chime with a new tumblr message. He smiled and checked the message, not surprised to see screenager09’s screen name. They messaged back and forth for a while, talking about their parties for the night, Phil talking about how excited he was for the evening but carefully avoiding talk of costumes. With the possibility that they were going to the same party, Phil’s nerves were high and he wasn’t entirely sure he was prepared for tonight to be the night they met. Granted, he was eager to meet his pen pal, but was a party, full of his drunk classmates really the best place? He wasn’t entirely sure. screenager09 mentioned that he had finally decided on a costume, but that it was very nerdy, and he wasn’t sure that anyone would get it. Phil tampered down the urge to ask what it was and instead told him to have a good time at his party and finished getting ready and started his walk to PJ’s. 

Dan’s party was loud and in full swing when the three of them arrived, in full Ghostbuster gear. PJ had argued that they need full equipment or it simply wouldn’t be realistic, so he had been in charge of making fake ghost hunting equipment, and had actually done a decent job. Unless you pressed into it you could barely tell it was fake, and PJ looked entirely too smug about it. Dan greated them at the door, a drink in his hand already, his cheeks tinted pink and his dimples on display. His hair looked as if it might have been straightened at the beginning of the night, but the heat from the crowded house head started to make the ends curls up. He was wearing black button up shirt and tight fitted khaki pants. In his front pocket held a small notebook with the words “Death Note” barely visible. Phil smiled hugely and pointed - “you’re Light Yagami!” Dan looked delighted. 

“I didn’t think that anyone would guess who I was! I guess you’re just as big of a nerd as me,” Dan said teasingly. Phil blushed and laughed. The trio followed Dan to the kitchen where They were all given drinks, Phil taking a large drink to calm his nerves. They milled around the house and visited with friends, Dan staying close to Phil’s side the whole time. Phil broke off from the group and went to the kitchen to refill his drink. He pulled up tumblr on a whim and messed screenager09. 

“Hope you’re having fun at your party and that someone guessed your nerdy costume lol”

Phil pressed send without a second glance, only to realize a second later that he had messaged from his personal account. The account that had his name on it and profile picture on it.

“Shit, shit, shit.” He was panicking. What did he do? He couldn’t get the message back. It was gone. They would see it and know it was Phil and know that Phil was the person they were messaging. They would know Phil was gay, not just a random student at school. Phil felt like he was going to puke. He sprinted upstairs in search of a quiet room. He found an empty bathroom and scurried in, locking the door behind him. He sat on the edge of the tub and put his head in his hands. What was he going to do. What if they hated Phil and told everyone? What would he do. Phil took a deep breath and tried to rationalize with himself. That wouldn't happen. He knew this person. They had been talking for weeks and the person he knew would never do that. He just had to hope they would keep his secret.

He made his way out of the bathroom and started downstairs when he saw Dan coming up the stairs. He smiled and Phil scrapped the idea of trying to hide, he had been spotted.

“Hey, there you are. I’ve been looking for you,” Dan said, a smile still on his face.

“You have?” Phil asked timidly. Oh God, what could he possibly want. Phil’s nerves were already shot and being in close proximity with a crush at a time like this really wasn’t going to do anything great for his mental health.

“I just wanted to talk, can you come in here with me?” Dan started to make him way towards the bedrooms and Phil felt sick again. He pushed it down though and followed. It was fine, everything was fine.

Dan flopped down on what Phil assumed was his bed and patted the spot next to him. Phil sat gingerly, his nerves still on edge. Dan didn’t say anything at first, just fiddled with the fraying end of an old quilt on his bed. Phil was beginning to wonder if he going to have to break out one of his random animal fact conversation starters when Dan started to speak:

“So, I’ve had this tumblr account for a while,” Phil’s head snapped up and he looked at Dan who’s head was ducked and was stilled fiddling with his quilt. “I never really used it that often until like last year, when I started posting a lot of stuff and venting about school and it was just a really nice place to go and talk and get to be anonymous. Then some people from school started following me, but it was fine, cause they didn’t know who I was. And then a few weeks ago I made a post coming out.” Dan finally looked up when, catching Phil’s eye for the first time since they sat down. 

“Go on,” Phil said gently, though his heart was beating a million miles per hour. Dan smiled timidly and ducked his head again. 

“It was just something I needed to get off my chest, but I wasn’t really ready to tell a lot of people you know,” and Phil nods, because boy does he know, “and it felt good to have it out in the universe. Like people knew, even if they didn’t know it was me. And that felt so good.” Dan hesitates and glances up at Phil again, blush staining his cheeks now. 

“I got a really sweet message on anon after that, but i didn’t want to post it cause I thought it was really intrusive, but I hoped if I said something, they would just message me outright…. And they did.” Phil is sure that Dan can hear is heart by now, it’s beating so loud. He almost feels dizzy with a mixture of adrenaline, and nerves, and excitement. 

“I was hoping it was you I was talking to the whole time,” Dan whispers. His cheeks are still that lovely shade of pink, and his dimples are caving his cheeks in. Phil lifts his hand tentatively, giving Dan a chance to back away if he wants, and gently pokes a finger in his right dimple, enjoying the surprised giggle that erupts from Dan. 

“I was hoping the same thing,” Phil says, moving his hand to caress Dan’s cheek. Dan leans in and closes his eyes, and Phil meets him hallway, their lips meeting timidly. It’s a bit bumpy and awkward, but they both have smiles on their face when they pull away, instantly coming together to try again. This time their lips meet perfectly, and Phil can taste the punch Dan had been drinking, and the watermelon gum in his mouth. They kiss for several minutes before they break apart. They smile at each other and Phil pulls Dan close to his side and kisses the top of his head. He knows there is a lot more to deal with ahead, but for now he is okay to ignore it and keep kissing the gorgeous brown haired boy at his side.

**Author's Note:**

> like/reblog on [tumblr](http://tobieallison.tumblr.com/post/182061097531/be-my-muse) if you like :)


End file.
